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Transcript:Paradoxical Parable/32
TheChio (Part 1) *Finally, we rejoin the Paradoxians as they begin the final part of their mission to save their board from noobishness. Unfortunately for them, the noobs have grown in number exponentially, due in part to the fancharacter contest thread. Nonetheless, our ridiculously large team are willing to do whatever it takes to win this battle.* Griffin: So what am I doing in all of this? Hellooo? Red: *hops up and down angrily, trying to get attention* Stasis: Oh, sorry Griff. Didn't see you th- *Before Stasis can finish his sentence, a massive noob with a hulking signature crushes Griffin under his enormous girth.* Stasis: ...ere. Massive Noob: GLOOOOMP! LOLROFLOL. *gets up from the crushed Griffin* I love Sonic Paradox OMG! You guys teach me how to draw plz, I want to go to Japan and be a famous mangaka LOL! *eyes widen* O BRB need to pee LOLOLOL. *runs off into the crowd, sweat flying everywhere* Red: *is horrified* Celest: That noob just killed Griffin! He gave him the glomp of death! Jake: Okay, we can’t stand for this any longer! We need to stop these noobs before they hurt anybody else! Gamebuddy: *strapping the karaoke machine to his back like a proton pack* How about we get started on that offence then? Iceman: *sprouts even more icy shards across his arms* Let’s do it. Boozer: Whatever, as long as I get to do some heavy-duty criticising and then get to sleep off the hangover I feel coming on. Bit: *readying his administrative stick* Time to save this place. *And so the offensive team charge into the fray of amassing noobs, leaving those on defence to try and keep the board from being torn apart from the noobs who are already on their way.* Insector: They’re advancing. Luckily I have just the solution. *produces a massive image of a humorous elderly man, which halts many noobs in their tracks, having no capacity for processing this profound picture* KaDo: Good thinking, Insector! Now to confuse them with the power of my white text! They won’t be able to understand the context of anything I say this way! Hee hee! I saw a dog once! He was orange! *The noobs advancing upon KaDo are thoroughly baffled, and also stop in their tracks.* Noob 1: Wut? Who was orange? Noob 2: Ya wuts goin on are u thewax? KaDo: Don’t be silly! Chocolate is delicious when licked off a wall! I do it all the time! Boz: Now for me to contribute to the defence, and as they say, the best defence is a good offence! *uses his giant T-Rex jaws to eat all of the distracted noobs* Ugh. *between chomps* They taste like pocky and day-old pizza. Insector: *lobbing a mug with Sonic’s image on it at another oncoming noob* YOU ONLY GET A FUCKING CUP, YOU SLAG. *to self* Sure hope the King doesn’t mind me saying that... Distant mechanical voice: TOSSER. RGX: Y’know, it’s just hit me that I wasn’t added to a group. Stasis: *spying on the advancing noobs*Ah. My bad. Even MY logic can slip sometimes. Well you’re free to help the defensive gang if you want, RGX. You DO have that handy moderation stick of yours, after all. RGX: Hey, so I do! *pulls it out* Now to ban some of these guys! *shoots the red light of banning at the noob who fell to Insector’s cup* YEEEESSSSSSSSS. *Meanwhile, with Chio, who is facing up against his old friend, the demonic Lortux...* Chio: You just don’t know when to quit, do you? LORTUX: I WOULD HAVE QUIT AGES AGO AND GONE HOME BUT I AM FAR TOO UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF NOOBISH POWER Chio: That’s wonderful. And for crying out loud, wipe your nose already. LORTUX: NO Chio: I really didn’t want to have to fight you. I mean, aside from the fact that you’re a demon and all; we’re also supposed to be pals. LORTUX: YEAH WELL FATE HAS A WAY OF MAKING THINGS LIKE THESE GO DOWN Chio: It’s funny; I never would’ve expected you to be the one to cause that hole. It’s because of you, even if it was indirectly, that we had this problem to begin with. LORTUX: YEAH IT WAS HILARIOUS WHEN YOU RAN AWAY LIKE SOME KIND OF SCARED BITCH EARLIER BUT ANYWAY LET US GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY I NEED TO CURSE YOU WITH MY DEMONIC MISFORTUNE AND THEN MOVE ON TO THE REST OF THIS PLACE Chio: Fine then. I have just the thing for this... *charges up his moderation stick, and fires... but it has no effect* Huh...? LORTUX: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW A BAN WOULD NOT WORK I MEAN COME ON SERIOUSLY Chio: I was trying an IP ban... *inspects the stick* That was odd. *ponders for a moment* Hrm... LORTUX: A DEMON LIKE ME EXTENDS BEYOND MERE IP USAGE SO DO NOT THINK SOMETHING QUITE SO SIMPLISTIC WILL FINISH OFF THE ONE KNOWN AS LORTUX *Lortux eyes Chio sinisterly* LORTUX: NOW FEEL THE MALICIOUS CURSE OF MY DEMONIC WAYS AND EXPERIENCE A WORLD OF AGONY AND TORMENT Chio: Uh-huh. Not happening. I’m going to take you down for your own good, Lortux. LORTUX: I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY PUNY MORTAL Chio: Actually, I’ve already done it. LORTUX: WHAT Chio: While you were mouthing off there, I just opened a new topic around you. Now with one simple command... *points moderation stick and fires off a black beam* Closed. I’ll reopen it later when that noobish magic has worn off. Later, Lortux. *walks back to the rest of the group* LORTUX: *from within the topic* I HOPE YOU REALISE THIS MEANS WE WILL NOT BE HAVING POKER NIGHT AFTER ALL Category:Transcript